I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We have started to decorate penises.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize