Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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