There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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