I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
