that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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