I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
