Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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