An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
