Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
