You can't special order awesome
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
