OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize