Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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