Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
