Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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