just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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