hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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