Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
