I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
