here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
