I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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