Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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