i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize