my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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