Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
