Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i

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(310): View more from California

my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.

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(443): View more from Maryland

shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy

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(845): View more from New York

you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away

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(410): View more from Maryland

What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me

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(512): View more from Texas

It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.

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(817): View more from Texas

It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.

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(470): View more from Georgia

Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?

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