his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
