Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
