The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize