none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
