You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
