you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
