my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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