My friends, they love my intelligence
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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