I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize