woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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