Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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