Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
