Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
