my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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