remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
