It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
