i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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