And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
