omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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