Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
