I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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