At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
