end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
