I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
