Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
