U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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