the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
