More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
