I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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