I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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