No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
These tits shall not be calmed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
