Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
