so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
