Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
