C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
