complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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