imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
