Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
