dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
