yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
