Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
