Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
