Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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