His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
